The Rules of Parenting - NEVER Compare Children With Each Other

Although my mother did not compare my younger sister and me in a conspicuous way, there were things my mother did that showed her inclination more towards one of us than the other.

For example, when my sister was young and left the home without a word to go to a neighbour's house to play, I was blamed for losing my sister instead of her being irresponsible not to tell the family member where she went.

When my younger sister was in secondary school, like many other teenagers, she was rather rebellious. Since young, my mother has told both my sister and me time after time to inform where we went when we went out ourselves. I always did, because I did not want my mother to worry about where I was. But my sister did not. She would come back home late at night. At that time, we still did not carry a mobile phone. My sister broke the rule.

If I broke any of my mum's rule, I would be severely reprimanded. My mother would bawl out at me in front of all my family members. I understood why she did that. To shame me. As for my sister, all she did was to ask her to go to her bedroom. My mother would then nicely talk to my sister behind closed doors. That's it. 

Recently I asked her why. Her explanation was because she knew very well my character could take the kind of public scolding that she lashed out on me but my sister would not be able to take that kind of stress. In other words, my sister had to be dealt with in a gentle way.

My mother not only compared my sister and me. She also compared me with our neighbour's son, but she did not compare my sister with anyone. She compared my education attainment with our neighbour's son (I had a bachelor degree in computer engineer while he had a master degree in education). She compared our jobs (I was a software engineer while he was a teacher). She compared how much we earned. She also compared how much allowance we each gave back to the family.

In the end, I feel suspicious of my mother. Am I really that lousy? Do you really love me as your daughter? 

Parents, are you doing these to your children? Maybe what I was feeling then is how your children feel about you now. If you think you are committing such parenting mistakes, it will only do your children good if you can stop what you are doing right now.

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More Links:

Sibling Rule 56: Never compare children with each other

The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar

Download the book at Amazon.

Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar