The Rules of Parenting - Different Children Need Different Rules

Each child is unique. Different children have different needs.

There's no one-size-fits-all approach to rules.

I made that mistake too. I was not that smart so I studied very hard. I had a revision schedule every day. I had a strong desire to do well because I wanted to become a university graduate and do my mother proud. I also wanted to get a good job to be financially independent so that I didn't have to burden my parents any longer. I was doing well academically. I thought my younger sister should be similar to me and with some hard work, she can and should do well in school too. I pushed her very hard. Guess what? My attempts to push her in this direction failed miserably. I was very disappointed in her and myself, and she was very stressed as well.

But at a later time, I realised my mistake. I am always amazed at how my sister is able to draw anything from her imagination. She's very creative, only unfortunately the economy in my country does not appreciate her kind of talents. Since then, I have encouraged to keep her passion in this area alive, even if she's working in jobs that's not related to her talent.

But sometimes the same rules must apply across all children if it is the only fair approach. 

- Sibling Rule 57, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar

What I felt unhappy about was about my mother who kept saying she treated both my sister and me "equally".

Over a long period of time, I found that it wasn't always true. My mother told me she could not scold my sister in front of all other family members because she was different. She was vulnerable and would break down if she had scolded her the way she scolded me. My mother told me because I had a strong character, she had no qualms about reproaching me in front of everybody.

Surely, my mother can have her own justification but it feels terrible from my perspective, from the perspective of a child. Just because I can take it means she has the liberty to hurl verbal abuse at me? 

There are times when you need to be unfair. The most important is how much you are asking of each child... ...and whether other children understand and agree.

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More Links:

Sibling Rule 57: Different children need different rules

The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar

Download the book at Amazon.

Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar