Carrots or Sticks?
Parents, if you ask me, based on my experience, both carrots and sticks work, but choose carrots over sticks most of the time.
When scolding works
I find that scolding works best when the mistakes make by a child is serious enough. For example, when the child is not using knives and scissors in a safe manner, or is involved in bullying and stealing. This will let the child know that the matter is so serious that you are not going to let him or her take it lightly.
When praise works
But for other matters, such as not doing well for tests and exams, being lazy to do housework or organising their bedrooms, it will do best to use the positive way. Why I advocate this? Because it's not life threatening to the kids themselves or to others. Plus, being positive glues family relationship together while being negative tears the relationship apart. I've been there, so I warned you.
I have been scolded by my mother for every little thing, even until the age of 30:
"You are useless!"
"You are good-for-nothing!"
"You don't care about the household!"
"Not nice! You still don't know how to cook? Why are you so stupid?! You are doomed!"
"The world doesn't needs you. Go and die. It's better you jump off right now from the window!"
How do you feel if someone scolds you this way? How will your child feel if he or she hears this from their own mother?
When a child did something you disapprove of, point out the problem factually instead of criticising the person who is the child. For example, when a child did not do well for a test, instead of lambasting him straight-away, why not say, "I expected it. You have been playing games daily and been very distracted. If you are serious about your studies, I suggest you to cut down heavily on your games."
Positive words develops a better and kinder spirit in the child while negative words lead to an ugly character. This has been proven by the ice crystal experiment conducted by Dr. Masaru Emoto. You can read another of my blog post about him and his experiment. You can also see a video of his experiment on the Videos page of this blog.
"You are useless!"
"You are good-for-nothing!"
"You don't care about the household!"
"Not nice! You still don't know how to cook? Why are you so stupid?! You are doomed!"
"The world doesn't needs you. Go and die. It's better you jump off right now from the window!"
How do you feel if someone scolds you this way? How will your child feel if he or she hears this from their own mother?
When a child did something you disapprove of, point out the problem factually instead of criticising the person who is the child. For example, when a child did not do well for a test, instead of lambasting him straight-away, why not say, "I expected it. You have been playing games daily and been very distracted. If you are serious about your studies, I suggest you to cut down heavily on your games."
Positive words develops a better and kinder spirit in the child while negative words lead to an ugly character. This has been proven by the ice crystal experiment conducted by Dr. Masaru Emoto. You can read another of my blog post about him and his experiment. You can also see a video of his experiment on the Videos page of this blog.
Praising Tips
Being positive doesn't mean you have to go overboard to do it. Be sincere and timely.
Use appropriate words. Your child knows when you are exaggerating. For example, if your child has won first in a national athletics race, words like "You're awesome! Nice work done!" will be better than just saying, "Not bad." Try not to use negative words and negate them using "not".
100 Positive Ways To Praise Your Child
I chanced upon this document on the Internet. I find that it will be a useful resource to you so I want to point you to it. Click here.
Use appropriate words. Your child knows when you are exaggerating. For example, if your child has won first in a national athletics race, words like "You're awesome! Nice work done!" will be better than just saying, "Not bad." Try not to use negative words and negate them using "not".
100 Positive Ways To Praise Your Child
I chanced upon this document on the Internet. I find that it will be a useful resource to you so I want to point you to it. Click here.
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More Links:
Everyday Rule 19: Use Praise Wisely, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
Download the book at Amazon.
Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
100+ ways to praise your child
http://www2.nlsd122.org/c/files/7814/3147/0309/ways_to_praise_a_child.pdf
100+ ways to praise your child
http://www2.nlsd122.org/c/files/7814/3147/0309/ways_to_praise_a_child.pdf
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