Parents, always be ready to admit your mistakes when it is very obvious you have made the wrong decision or say something wrong.
For Asian parents, I know it may be hard for you because of 'face' issues. I understand very well because I grew up in such a family.
Nevertheless, it is important.
As a child, I have never felt I was right. I was always wrong. Who was always right? My mother. Even till today, she's still the 'right' person in the family. Never once can she go wrong.
- I was wrong when I cooked for her, albeit not meeting her cooking standard.
- I was wrong when I pushed hard on my sister to do well in her studies.
- I was wrong when I swept the floor but left a few strands of hair.
- I was wrong to wash the dishes for her after a meal because I was 'pretentious', to quote my mother.
- I was wrong to buy supplements to improve my mother's health, because the supplements, as what my mother said, were meant for ghosts to eat, not for human beings like her to consume.
- I was wrong to graduate from university because my mother said because of me, she had less attention for my younger sister and that's why why sister did not make it to university.
- I was wrong when I moved out of my parents' house and stayed with my grandfather because my mother did not like her own father.
- I was wrong when I opposed to my sister's marriage when after marriage, her husband borrowed money from mother, then father, and then me.
I felt wronged. I I felt indignant. As time passes, this grew to resentment and my eventual ran-away from home.
Till today, my mother has not apologised. I don't think I'll ever hear her 'sorry' because that's the way this household is set up. How can I expect an apology when my mother thinks she owns my life?
But I love my mother. I really want to give her a good life to the best that I can. I hope eventually she can loosen up a bit.
Apologising is not a sign of weakness because it takes courage. Today, if you show that you have a problem apologising to anyone, you will realise that your children will find it difficult to apologies for their own mistakes too. This might affect their social and romantic relationships in future, and even their work life.
A lot of relationship problems stem from ego problem, as Eckhart Tolle puts it. Another word to understand this is humility. I, myself, am sometimes guilty of this too. Many times we forget that we are fallible. We thought we are the smartest, or the most capable person. But no. No human beings are perfect. It's okay to make mistakes. The most important is to learn to apologise immediately when we realise we have upset, hurt, offended or inconvenienced someone. This is an act of humility and is only good if we teach it to our children by example.
Not only we want to raise smart and happy kids, but we want to raise kids with good character and with a sense of humanity.
A lot of relationship problems stem from ego problem, as Eckhart Tolle puts it. Another word to understand this is humility. I, myself, am sometimes guilty of this too. Many times we forget that we are fallible. We thought we are the smartest, or the most capable person. But no. No human beings are perfect. It's okay to make mistakes. The most important is to learn to apologise immediately when we realise we have upset, hurt, offended or inconvenienced someone. This is an act of humility and is only good if we teach it to our children by example.
Not only we want to raise smart and happy kids, but we want to raise kids with good character and with a sense of humanity.
Download my book to read more about my personal reflections on my family relationships.
(If you are using a mobile phone, please switch to web version view instead of mobile version view to see the opt-in box to subscribe to my updates which will deliver to your mailbox straight download box for the first chapter or my book. Download my book too from Amazon to read how I lived through my mother's iron hand. Or please provide me with your name and email address in the opt-in box at the side or bottom of this page to read the first chapter for free.)
More Links:
The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
Download the book at Amazon.
Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
No comments :
Post a Comment