Living with a parent or grandparent who is a control freak isn't easy. The worst thing is they are not even aware that they are control freak. If they are not aware, they won't realise they have a problem. Without realising that they have a problem, they will not take steps to change their behaviour and thinking.
After a meet-up with a friends lately, talking to him about my problem with my grandfather, he pointed out that grandfather was a control freak. Indeed.
I didn't know how my mother managed to live with him for over twenty years without going crazy but in these 1 year and 8 months that I have lived with him, I have suffered a few mental breakdown. Not only that, some people criticised me as being too emotionally immature or too quick tempered. These people should live with my grandfather for one year before they think they know everything.
So, going back to the main question. How do you know if you are living with a control freak?
1. He wants you to be back home by a certain time every day.
My grandfather used to call me at 10pm every day, asking me the same five questions every time: where are you now? what are you doing now? who are you with? what time will you be back? are you coming back soon?
Years ago, when I was living with my parents, he used to wait at the bus stop every day where my mother would alight after work. He would walk behind my mother until they reach my parents' apartment. Then he would leave.
My mother told me he's crazy. But actually, he's not crazy. He has a very serious need for control. It wasn't that he really cared about my mother much as he needed to see that my mother was back home at a certain every day.
2. He guilt-trips you by giving you pretty reasons for the things he does.
I asked my grandfather why he called me the same time every night and he said it was for my safety. It was a good reason but I was 29 years old, and going to be 30 years old. Surely he knows that I'm able to take care of myself? But, the reason would make you feel guilty about not being back home early because you are making him worry, But don't be fooled. He wasn't worried. He just wanted to make sure you were back by a certain time. It's a kind of control!
Because I tutored almost every single night, so when I reached home, it would be almost 11pm. And he would always tell me he hadn't eaten. He was waiting for me to eat. I would always tell him to eat earlier when he's hungry. There's no need to wait for me. And he would always tell me he wasn't hungry. And if I told him I don't want to eat, he would be unhappy and say, "I waited for you for so long to eat yet you don't want to eat."
3. He doesn't allow you to do anything at home.
I like to water the potted plants outside my grandfather's apartment. But he would always stop me. He said he had already watered the plants and I didn't need to do it again. Or he would tell he he would water it later and there's no need to trouble me.
When I wanted to wash the dishes after a meal, he would also tell me that he would do it later.
When I wanted to wash my clothes, he would also tell me that I didn't need to do it.
On the surface, he seemed like a good grandfather. But he's just a control freak. He's telling me not to do it not because he loved me but as a control freak, he couldn't stand anyone doing things their own way.
Are you living with a control freak?
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