From young, we were told off when we showed anger.
Anger is just one of the ways we express our emotions and having emotions is the most basic thing of being a human.
Not allowing our children to express their anger causes them to bottle up their feelings, and that can lead to emotional issues. They can grow up to be adults who don't know how to express how they feel and this can be damaging in their future relationships with others.
Richard Templar has written this problem very well in his book, The Rules of Parenting:
People who have grown up without rows may not understand that if you [have a] row it can still be alright afterwards. So they're afraid to argue with their partners... ... That means problems aren't aired, resentments build up, feelings are bottled up, and all that stuff we know isn't healthy.That can partially explain why some of my friends and their friends have family issues. Being brought up in Asian families, they are not allowed to express any deviation in opinions from their parents. They were expected always to obey and be respectful, which meant to always go along with the opinions and recommendations made by parents, even though it might not suit their needs. Thus these led to many invisible conflicts. On the surface, the whole family may seem to be happy. But beneath that lamination, lots of discontent exists arising from the children.
What needs to be managed is the way our children express their anger.
First of all, it should be free of violence. Remember if you had ever thrown things all over the place when you were so angry? We need to constantly remind our children that they must learn to be angry without agressiveness, being abusive or threatening. You must also be able to show your children that you can do it too. Children are always watching you and imitating your behaviour. Beware.
Second, when they are in the middle of their madness, have them talk about their anger. On what basis is their anger justified? They can start the sentence by saying, "I am angry because ..." In this way, they start to understand they can be angry and still have good behaviour.
What's your experience dealing with your angry emotions or angry children?
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More Links:
The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
Download the book at Amazon.
Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
http://www.birthorderguy.com/podcast/078-right-and-wrong-anger-management-methods-and-little-points-that-will-bring-peace-to-your-home/
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