The Rules of Parenting - Focus on the Problem, Not The Person

Have you been labelling your kids?

I can't imagine any parents who truly love their kids for who they are and yet still utter lots of labels onto their kids.

Have you used these words on your children?

You are naughty.

You are stupid.

You are so rude.

You are so careless.

You are already so big and you cannot organise your stuff?

You are lazy.

You are selfish.

You may think that your child may change once you point out his or her flaws using such strong words but no. On the contrary, you may be reinforcing their negative behaviour because your kids start to live up to the labels you give.

Have you been telling your kids not to do this not to do that?

“Don’t drop the groceries."
“Don’t drive dangerously.”
“Don’t feel bad about your grades.”
“Don’t be nervous about your test.”
“Stop being so rowdy. You’ll knock something down running around like that.”
“Don’t be so noisy while we eat.”
“Quit pestering your brother.”
“Don’t feel bad.”

Instead, whenever your child has done something that is not up to your expectations, tell him or her the facts and how to improve next time.  For example, instead of saying "It is rude not to greet uncle", you may want to change it to "It will be polite of you to say hi to uncle". Feel the difference?

Read from the beginning to the end. Then read from the last sentence to the first. Do you sense a complete change in the meaning?

Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/103301385175851049/

Change your perspective and you change your words for the better.

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More Links:

The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar

Download the book at Amazon.

Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar

Negative and positive commands
http://www.motherinc.com.au/magazine/kids/kids-education/476-negative-and-positive-commands