I tutored many students in Mathematics and Sciences for the past decade and I have seen so many ways that parents supervise their children. This gives me many opportunities to think about parenting and observe what parents are doing.
Many of my students are around the age of 14 to 15. Their parents were all respectful of the tutor and when the students do not do well in tests and examinations, they do not blame the tutor. (Disclaimer: This does not mean I don't do my best to impart all that I know to the students.)
Come examination time, the parents would become very anxious, much more than their children would. The parents would come up with a revision schedule for their children to adhere to. Most of the time, it didn't work because the motivation does not come from within the students.
On one hand, parents would tell their children, "You are a big boy now. You have to learn to think more about your own future. You should learn to organise your time and stick to it." Some also threaten to disconnect the internet and confiscate their mobile phones and laptops.
But on the other hand, parents would do a lot of nagging, telling them what they should do for their future, which contradicted their wishes for their children to think and learn for themselves. Some parents also help their children by doing the work for them, such as by helping them to draw for their artwork. They also didn't really confiscate their gadgets. They might turn off the internet for a few hours or guard over their children's mobiles phones and laptops for a few hours and that's all because these children would demand their phones and laptops back and made lots of noises.
It is understandable why parents behave that they because they love their children and wouldn't want their children to "suffer". Their children are their soft spot, their Achilles' heel. Where to balance the scale would depend on parents' priorities and their will to execute what they say.
Many of the children that I tutor also come from rich family. Their guardian once told me that one of the girls who came to Singapore had come empty-handed because her mother told her that she would get all the necessary items once they arrived in Singapore. Indeed, after touching down in Singapore, they headed to Orchard Road to branded bags, shoes and clothes. The guardian told me that these kids hardly have any financial constraint over how they spend their money and she had a difficult them teaching them the value of money. These children often do not have the motivation to do well in studies too, possibly because they have been so well taken care of.
On the contrary, the world's second richest man Carlos Slim from Mexico had been taught how to personally account for every single cent he received and spent. Many rich people that I read about have this kind of education in their family. This could be a big reason how he had become so wealthy.
In my family, my parents don't really fret about examination results. They still expect good result at the end of the year but during the school year, they don't really Due to that, I was always so anxious about how well I would do because if nobody cared that much, I had to care for myself. So I was very disciplined about studying. For this to happen, fortunately, I belonged to that group of children who cared about studies. For many other children who are not, it might be good to let them fail so that they learn their lessons hard. If they don't even feel anything about it, maybe they have other interests and parents can let their children discover where their true talents are.
If your child wants to be treated like an adult, then show them how they should behave and think like an adult. Tell them that words are cheap and the only way they can prove that they are worthy of being treated like an adult is to act, behave and think like one. Let them know that you want to treat them like an adult by being firm and not giving them to their whims and wishes unnecessarily.
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Teenager Rule 78: Everything comes with strings
The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
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