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| Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aftershock_(2010_film) |
Many times, when our family members and friends are in some kind of setbacks, we console them and tell them that time will heal. Given enough time, they will gradually forget about whatever the matter that caused them misery in the first place.
For children who have gone through or are going through a difficult period, we think that children do not understand things and will therefore be less emotionally affected by what's going around them and even if they are indeed affected, we often think that they will recover soon. Some of these cases could be parents' divorce and death of a loved one.
Take for example, a friend that I went to the same primary and secondary school with. At 17 years old, I was pursuing A levels at a junior college while she opted for a diploma course at a polytechnic. I went to visit her one day and she told me she had stopped her polytechnic classes for a while as she was going through psychiatric treatment. She needed time and space to recover from her trauma and wasn't fit to continue her studies. What had happened?
It turned out that her father was involved in an illicit affairs and was caught red-handed by her mother. When the news was broken out to her, she was devastated and could not take in the reality. She broke down totally and was admitted to the Institute of Mental Health for psychiatric treatment. She had to take drugs to stabilise her emotions.
I didn't manage to continue to keep in touch with her after that. After graduation from university, I met her on the street and we talked again. She had stopped her studies for at least two years. Her mental condition had stabilised. She was also attending regular pipa lessons with a Chinese pipa teacher. She had also started working part-time. I'm happy with her progress.
However, it did not really seem like the friend whom I knew before that unfortunate incident happened. It was her eyes. They weren't very focused while we were talking. She was also feeling bad about being left so far behind from all of her close friends. If my friend at seventeen years old can be so severely affected by such a family incident, what about young children? Wouldn't they be more vulnerable?
I hope she can read this blog post from somewhere that I sincerely wish that she is making big progress now in her life.
As for me, I will also never forget the emotions that I had experienced during that last two years of my secondary school. My mother was retrenched. Our family had also received a letter from a law firm demanding that they pay their property dues. Otherwise my whole family had to move out within a month or two. My mother was going in and out of job, feeling stressful and taking her frustrations on me. I felt indignant over that kind of treatment and went into a few serious conflicts with her. I will never forget those two years of vulgarities hurled at me. I will also never forget having to tell myself to go to sleep early so that I would not feel again for the rest of the night. After being inspired by so many biographies and autobiographies of great men and women out there, and attending so many motivational classes, I can't forget. It stays with me. Not as much as before, but still the pain is there.
So parents, if your child is going a difficult period in the family, remember to be very sensitive to your child's needs and give them emotional support. I know this is going to be hard for you to do because you are also going through the same ordeal yourself. But remember, after shocks can last forever, or at least for a long time.
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More Links:
Crisis Rule 84: The After Shock Can Last Forever
The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
Download the book at Amazon.
Read my review on the book, The Rules of Parenting, by Richard Templar
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