If you have been attentive when you are onboard a plane, you would have known that in the case of an emergency, you must always put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Even if your child is right beside you, that is something you must adhere to. The reason is simple: you have to make sure you have been taken care of before you can help others. As the saying goes, you can only give what you have. If you can take care of your safety, you are more likely to help others to safety. If you cannot even take care of yourself, who are you to take care of other people's lives?
I really like many of the things that Kim Wong Keltner wrote in her book, "Tiger Babies Strike Back:. She wrote:
A baby bird grows up and eventually leaves the nest. It was simply time for me to spread my wings, and fly away.
Sometimes, when a relationship doesn't work out, the best thing to do is to walk out. Are you facing a bad romantic relationship right now? Or a worsening family issue that strains your relationship with your family members? Or a bad relationship in your workplace? You don't have to feel guilty about it. You should be happy for yourself.
In my previous job as a Senior System Analyst in a healthcare firm, I was expected to be on call twenty fours a day, seven days a week. We had a whatsapp group and every hour, strangely enough, there will be updates. The CTO could be asking for work progress and the manager could be assigning work to individual analyst and following up with work progress. The whatsapp update the last thing to make a sound before I slept and was first sound I would hear when I awoke. During the night while I slept, there were also updates made by the CIO, manager and other analysts who worked on certain projects and bug fixes. Every evening, at about six, the business development people would also come round and ask for urgent work to be done for them in an hour's time. When I fell sick, my manager also whatsapped me to tell me that if I was feeling a bit better, can I work from home? Finally I gave it up. I quitted and found another better job.
Do I feel a sense of regret and guilt? Yes, a bit. Because I was doing quite different stuff from my previous engineering job and I really liked to do healthcare domain. But it was too much of a pressure cooker and my health was adversely affected, having to visit doctor at least once per month. But I really felt so much better now! Sometimes, you just have to decide to walk out and better could be waiting for you. Save yourself first before you can start contributing to other people's lives.
About one and a half years ago, I decided to move out from my parents' house. Too much unhappiness. Why did I have to contribute allowance to my parents alone? Why do I have to take care of my sister's financial well-being after she has a child even though she's already married and has a job? Why would I want to wash plates only to let my mother criticise me for being pretentious? I decided to walk away.
Do I feel a sense of regret and guilt? Yes, a bit. Because in Chinese culture, the elder has to bear all family responsibilities. I was under tremendous pressure to do for others, and put myself last. That's when I saw the whole unfairness of it. When all others have advanced in their lives, whether it's marriage or career, a bell started to ring in me. I must leave as I can no longer deal with so many issues. To day, I'm so much more happy now without the obligations. It isn't that bad after all.
So, are you in a difficult circumstance now and don't know what to do? You may very light need to walk out of it.
(If you are using a mobile phone, please switch to web version view instead of mobile version view to see the opt-in box to subscribe to my updates which will deliver to your mailbox straight. Download my book too from Amazon to read how I lived through my mother's iron hand. Or please provide me with your name and email address in the opt-in box at the side or bottom of this page to read the first chapter for free.)
No comments :
Post a Comment